Desicions, Desicions....

Well well well.... time HAS flown by... as usual... >.<....

Haven't blogged in ages... haha....Oh well....what to do.... Facebook... Gaming.... TV..... guess it just took my time all away... lol....

Speaking of time.... It always seems to catch up with you... things that you just want to put away.... things you do not want to think about.... cause at it does is mess your head up soooooo bad.....

I have been putting off the task, the ardurous task that i do not want to do.... the task that ultimately...will decide...what I do in the future.... lol.... THE DESICION!... what will it be?...what course shld i do?.... Medic.... Or Physics..... Oh well... i have one more week before I actually have to say yes or no to certain universities.... Maybe I shall put it off to then?... :P... 

HELL NO!.... Hell no... I can't do that.... and risk making the wrong desicion.... I really wish i didn't have to make this desicion.... It's so hard... it's just so damn hard to choose.... Heh... Guess I brought this upon myself... If I had chosen either Bio or Physics during Form 6... I would not have been in this quandry... Oh wait... cant blame me then... cos i did both subs.... cos i didn't want to make a desicion then.... Haha... IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE!... 

So.... Medicine?... Or Physics?... Which one?.... 

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I just don't know.....

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MEDICINE

I know that when I was small... I always wanted to become a doctor... I don't know why though... lol.... Maybe its cos that's what everyone wanted to become... Lol.... Or maybe... it was because everyone held doctors in high regard... That I have to agree... Doctors are held in high regard.. They save lives.... Not one but thousands throughout their whole career.... Now thats a lot of lives.... It is an honourable profession.... 

The human body has always intrigued me... How the body systems function in collaboration and in perfect harmony to allow life to go on. And these mechanisms... these functioning of muscles, tendons, nerves, bones with utmost cohesiveness.... The human body is indeed truly amazing. Medicine is one of the hardest courses.... But hey... I have always liked challenges.. XP....  Yup... 

A doctor's life isn't easy... it isn't... First...its the 6 years of med school.... Where...books 4 to 5 times thicker than my STPM books must be 'digested'.. O.O...... heh.... Then... it's housemanship... >.<... I have heard 'horror stories'... 96 hours.... nonstop.... of work... ward duty... assisting in surgery.... and then ward duty..... and so on and so forth... You eat during the time taken to walk in between wards... lol.... lucky im a fast eater eh?... lol... But... that's the challenge isn't it?... The challenge... isn't whether you can stand to see blood... or whether you can cut up a cadaver... Its whether you can stand the life... The life of a doctor.... When you are in the operating theatre... People's lives are in your hand.... You have to make choices...split secind desicions... in the operating theatre... You need to be able to live with yourself if you were to lose a patient... That's life isn't it... No one is perfect... Not even the best doctor in the world can claim that.... (except dr.house!.. XD)

Of course... once you have specialized... and have become well established... wherever you are... either in government service... or on your own.... life gets better... lol... you dont have to spend that much time... you have more time...for yourself.... and for your family.. IF u somehow manage to have time for a relationship during those earlier days... hehe... Although...if you do diagnostic medicine... (like dr.house!)... you don't have to operate or anything... all you need.. is a pen..a whiteboard.... and a team of subordinates to bully :P.. Haha... well...guess that's all about doctors.... 

PHYSICS
Ok... now to the other side... lolx.. Physics... It is the laws that govern our everyday life.. It explains everything that occurs around us... everything that happens can be explained by the laws of physics.... From the time of Galileo to the present, the science of physics has grown in leaps and bounds... to become a subject that I find very very very intriguing... Haha..... 

In physics...specifically... I have two fields that I would like to do... specifically...particle physics... and astronomy..... Why?... Cause its just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo interesting..!... Haha..

Finding the fundamental particles... The most basic structures that everything in this universe is made up of... Quantum mechanics... Whee!..... Just hearing the name energizes me :P Astronomy... Black holes, dark matter, The events before the Big Bang... O.O.... The future of our universe... The moment of creation?... Haha...  Particle Physics... Quarks.... Hadrons.... Neutrinos.... Photons.... Bosons... Mesons..... Muons... XD

However, if I were to do this... I know I cannot find a job here... in Malaysia... I will have to go to CERN! Haha...that is in Europe... kinda far eh?... Oh well.. If that's the way it is... I will have to go... No choice about that... lol.... I know that I want to discover many things... I want to be able to ermm... ermm... create cold fusion?.. hahah.... or maybe.... discover the most fundamental particle in the universe... or maybe the Higgs Boson!... Hehe... I want to go and see the LHC at CERN!... its cool.... to whizz particles at the speed of light.. to create antimatter?... (This is the Angels and Demons movie talking... blame Dan Brown... about the antimatter part)... Haha.. although... it would be cool.. to actually  do so.. XD... 

Although... as scientists... life isnt that easy as well.. You have to beg... everyday.. for grants... from governments.. to carry out research... It isnt easy to stay up awake all night...looking through telescopes... at the starry sky... although... it would be amazing to actually get a look at the amazing light show that goes on at night... lol.... It also isn't a job that gurantees anything.. I might not discover anything at all...in my lifetime.. haha... Its always luck...when you work at the frontiers of science... 

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So.... haha...those are the fields.. that I want to do..the professions that I dream about... I like both fields.. and... I don't know what to do.. I only have one week... to decide..... Its no use talking to anyone... It only makes the desicion harder... I dont know... I want to make myself happy.... with my choice... myself...and everybody else... This choice.... will eventually determine my FUTURE... what im going to be doing for the REST OF MY LIFE...... the rest of my life... Should I be in a hospital... at an observatory or at CERN...? I just cant make up my mind.... And yea... its HELL.... Why does it have to be so hard?.... 

Haha....

It reminds me of a song in the 90's... lol.... Remember 'Flying Without Wings'?...by Westlife?...

Those songs...that they sang...had meaning... real meaning.. inside of it...

Yea...and in 'Flying Without Wings' there is a verse... that goes....

So impossible

As they may seem

You've got to fight

For every dream

Cause whose to know

Which one you let go

Would have made you complete

So...what do I do?... Do them Both?!?!?!... Haha... Actually... that's not that bad an idea... Although.... the next question comes... Medic first?... Or Physics first?... Haix... Here we go again.... XP

~JoNamasoo~

21/5/2009

2.39 a.m.