The Boredom

21/12/2008 - 6.38pm

One of the worst things to feel..... is boredom....

My head is empty..... there's nothing in it..... Only the dull numbness of boredom....and...
and..... and..... well.... nothing else

The numbness.....creeps thru my mind... shutting down all feelings..... until only the numbness remains.

As my mind wanders thru all my memories, experiences, they all freeze in time...like black n white photographs.....u kno its old....but u still want to remember it..... haha....

The mind is truly a great creation.... its diversity.... its ability to create....destroy.... imagine.... wonder....and wander.... it takes me to places....many places..... places of joy, sorrow, despair.... as my mind flashes thru all that i know....and all that i dont want to know..... i wonder...

why....?

does this boredom....have no end.... am i condemned to wander forever....?.... searching for somthing... that has some meaning.... i do not know..... but i kno...that everything has a reason... so..i wonder why....?.....why am i searching...?..what am i searching for...?....

And as this year comes to an end.... my mind traverses the calendar of 2008.... its wings spread far... allowing me to slowly examine every memory....cherish all that i have done this year... haha.... and also.... try to forget all that i want to....but inside i know it is futile....for the memories are engraved so deeply into my psyche..... that i know.... it can never be removed... the past will remain the past....lol...the memories of 2008....that's for another blog...another story...another day...

2008 was a wonderful year....i hope to end it on a high note.... but i do not know...hoping and wanting... desiring.... it all seems like it is of no use to me.... for the boredom.... drowns it all..... The light of hope flickers.... dimly though, for i realise that.... if hope is extinguished....i am gone..

Yet... the boredom struggles to put it out... but the flame of Hope....guarded by its stone warriors that are Determination, Strength, and Power.... fights on....even though it may seem like a losing battle... it fights...for it has HOPE....that maybe reinforcements will come...and back it up....to ensure that Boredom.... is sent back...into the pits of ignorance from which it came...

My mind....is tired.... it yearns for a rest....but the mind cannot rest.... it must go on.... for once the mind starts to rest....this gives Boredom the advantage....and once it takes over.... imagination will perish... i cannot let that happen....my mind...must continue...drawing its reserve strength..... I continue to move forward....trudging slowly on the road ahead..... I see a fork in the road up ahead...

It is guarded by two knights.... one is evil the other is neutral.... for the goodness that once was..is now no more..... I dread the choice that i have to make.... for it is a catch 22 situation... i do not want to make a move.....however...i look behind and find that Boredom is hot on my trail...on this Road Of Memories.... A choice must be made.... I do not know...for i dont have what it takes to decipher the right choice..... i know so little....i wish i knew more....but....i realise....that it would not be enough to know...whether it is the right choice...

For only experience, the greatest master..... can deliver such a lesson..... I make a choice.... and move forward..... only to find myself back at the beginning....i have been going around in circles.... I stop....look around.... and wonder... Is this road circular?....Have I been going around in circles?.... What does this mean?..... Does this signify something?..... Or maybe it means......that there is no escape from Boredom..... I bow my head.....my mind.... whirring fast.... thinking...thinking... and then....the numbness sets in again....

I have had enough on this Road of Memories.... I phase away from it.... returning to the clutter in my head.....with my mind on a rampage....it wants to return to the road.....continue its journey.... subduing it...will not be an easy task...although the solution is simple.... the solution is simple...it is however....easier said than done....lol...as many things in life are.... i dread the daunting task at hand... subduing the mind...calming it down.... is a process......that if not done correctly....will consume me....and once i am in...i fear that there is no way out.....

I pray for strength.....for the choice made at the fork in the road....is no metaphor...i must make it... and i must make the right choice.... and subduing the mind will drain me ...... i will be weak...and vulnerable.... i do not know....

My memories..... are the greatest treasure i have.... and the fact that i can never be separated from them is both a blessing as it is a curse.... 2008..... was one heck of a year.... lol... to put it simply...UNFORGETTABLE..... BITTERSWEET.....

I look towards 2009..... maybe it will be better.... or worse... only time will tell..... for time is infinite..... it will remain forever....... time..... and choices..... will remain....for life is indeed about that.... we constanlty chase for time.... and make choices everyday.... some choices are easy.... simple...but some are indeed difficult....for the consequences that follow are enormous.... they do not affect us alone....they affect everyone around us.....

It is a terrible fate to be in a position to decide and choose.... I know.... It is tough... We all wish that we dont have to be in such a situation... but we fail to realise....that it is inevitable...

This is the most crappiest post i have ever posted..... The reason for it is.... I have no reason... It is a random thought that crossed my mind.....influenced by all my experiences.... it may sound like gibbersih to many.....but hey....who ever said u are supposed to understand me... haha....my mind...is for me and me alone to understand.... getting into my head...is a treacherous journey..... it is a used battlefield filled with land mines.... one wrong step.... and.....

~ Jo Namasoo ~